Amazing what a bowl of Ramen and seeing pops can do. It’s been a while. Just getting away from the book and everything that’s been building up on my back, inside the bones for a bit, was what I needed. Felt warm and pretty nice. No other fancy words to describe what was going on there. Even stopped for some Ice Cream on first Ave. where the radio was playing Midnight Train to Georgia which was the record he used to put on when he lived in Sausalito and I would go up to visit him and we’d dance around singing to that music. It played very light in the background last night, but it was a sign no doubt. Something remind me that the important things in life – the meaning of the true meaning, are usually right in front of us. Of me.
Now it’s dark and raining in the morning. Cooled off for sure – better to wake and get things down because you can watch the sun come up and see the darkness going away. It’s important to actually see such thing when you’re searching because illumination helps ease the mind. Not sure why the super is still hosing off the sidewalk when the rain did most of the work. I guess we’re all looking for the calmness that comes in repetition. Maybe not. I think through these easier moments and not banging myself up against the wall, I might find what I’m looking for or perhaps then turn it around and allow what’s looking for me to find me. Yes – that could very well be what’s happening. Somewhere it’s happening.
Going to have to return to the basic yet again this week and try to slow it down. It’s all been such a rush and in that people are starting to define me again. That’s fine – they are always going to rush to that because it’s easy to do. It’s simple to think you recognize motions and movements. It’s simple when you exist in a definition but in fact there is something else much more real than all of that. There is a reality beyond you and yourself, though not sure what that is.
All of this here is part of the novel as well because in order to ease it out of you, you must dig in and find characters who are going to talk and react. That’s just a fact. So inside you go to turn yourself out of the for the world and hope the believe what you put on the pages – At least you hope that it sticks with them – mostly it does.